It’s not actually the Australian Christianity Church Council, no, Telstra have stated that ACCC Chairman Graeme Samuel acts like god and behaves like it.

I suppose they might be confusing the ACCC with the TIO, where the TIO collects fees for those who complain about services delivered, the ACCC on the other hand, does not.

The ACCC doesn’t actually do much in the way of what a common ‘god’ would do, for example, the ACCC doesn’t ‘lead’, they merely only enforce what government leaders set out. And of course, government leaders are elected by the people, so the people choose the government, who writes the laws that the ACCC are tasked to enforce.

If they were god, they’d be writing the rules, choosing any elected ‘leaders’, and well, there’d be no need for a court, afterall, Graeme is god. Skip the court process, just ask the boss, who is god, to get your orders made.

The question begins, if Graeme Samuel is god, ie. ‘The saviour of humans’, is Telstra the devil? What about the impasse last year between the ACCC’s Graeme Samuel , Telstra’s CEO Sol Trujillo, and the Minister for Communications Helen Coonan. Graeme is god, so that means that Sol is the devil, so what about Helen Coonan? Does she sit in the middle choosing between God and The Devil, afterall, she is the voice of the people, the people elected her, so perhaps that is more fitting.

Sol, the devil, doesn’t like God’s choice of consumer protection. Helen Coonan, being the woman in the middle must choose between God or The Devil, and well, I think people prefer to have a ‘heaven’ environment, rather than one ‘filled with hell’.

Think about it, would you rather be billed for a service in a heavenly fashion, or receive bills from hell?

I guess this gives new meaning to the long running term: “Hellstra”, a common term used to describe Telstra on forums like Whirlpool after customers have many times been frustrated with large bills and charged incorrectly, or simply telemarketed.

Hellstra is now ran by The Devil, and God doesn’t like The Devil’s price, so God has set about enforcing the laws that are dictated by the members of public through their vote for the Minister for Communications.

They just need to rebrand the site, some devil ears coming out of the Telstra logo, change the blue for a red finish, add a flames effect, and demonise the NextG combi, and I think Telstra will have set a more accurate impression of themselves, espiecially with comments like ” I thought he was God. He certainly behaves like it”, published in The Australian.

On that note though, of course the above, with exception to certain clear facts is only published in jest, intended to be a joke, not to offend. Hope you found it partly amusing, yet eye opening at just who exactly runs Telstra, and where exactly a Telstra Bill comes from.

Enjoy!